Part 3 of 3

(February 22nd 2003 Saturday) Eventually I managed to find the time to go up Kilvey hill again. This time I was alone and I went to the approximate location of my tree and ‘out loud’ stated my apology to the trees and then said that if the trees were unwilling to allow me to find my tree then that was fine and I would leave them alone. I then proceeded to walk around the wooded area trying to find my tree, asking the trees to guide me and trying to listen to any feelings that I had. After about 20-30 minutes I was starting to give up hope, but something told me to walk a bit higher than normal. Just then I found my tree, WOW, what a relief, I was almost in tears. I sat down, closed my eyes and gave thanks to the trees for their gift to me. At the end of this experience I looked around for something to help me remember the day and the whole series of events. Suddenly the idea of a wand seemed very appropriate, so I looked around and saw a branch high up in the branches of a nearby tree. I then walked home with a branch in my hands and proceeded to make a wand of the branch. On a separate event but soon after this one I went for a walk up the hill with both Heulwen (my wife) and Ieuan (my son). Whilst there I had this notion of wanting to make a shamanic staff, and before I could do anything about it there was a pine tree laying on the ground in front of me, its roots rotten through, it was as if I was meant to take it with me, so I did. My staff has been a great focal point for my attention on certain occasions and often helps to keep me in touch with the elements.

Part 2 of 3

(February 15th 2003 Saturday) The second time I went up Kilvey hill was in the hope of sharing my special place with my 4 year old son. I tried to remember where it was that my tree was and headed towards it. In trying to find my tree I was disrespectful of the surrounding trees, snapping branches out of the way of my son, rather than asking for the tree’s help and merely bending the branches. I spent a very long time trying to find my tree, momentarily seeing something in the distance that was familiar then finding out that it was not my tree when I neared it. This experience was starting to distress both myself and my son, so eventually I gave up and returned home. My son even commented on the way home that I looked sad (which I was). During the next week or so I was unable to find the time to walk up Kilvey hill and was feeling very remorseful about my actions on the previous visit. Whenever I found a tree I would apologies to it and ask if it could pass the message on to the trees up on the hill. I know some people might look upon these events and laugh at them but they were very real to me and the emotions that I experienced were just as real.

Part 1 of 3

(This is an experience that spans three separate dates, each one still quite vivid in my memory, the first took place on February 11th 2003 Tuesday) The first time that I went up Kilvey hill in order to do some visualisation, I spent a great deal of time being respectful to the trees, asking them to guide me in my journey to a special place that I would be comfortable in whilst journeying. In some way the actual journey to my ‘special’ place was just as important and sacred as finding the spot itself, allowing myself to be guided by the trees, the chance (small) of becoming lost, clearing my mind of everyday concerns, focusing only on the now, all these things contributed to a very special moment. Eventually I came to a clearing that felt just right, a thin tree (pine) had fallen and was resting about a foot off the ground, when I sat down it took my weight (just about). My actual visualisation was unsuccessful but the time was not wasted, the stress seemed to just fall away from me. To be able to leave everything behind and to only focus on the now, it was wonderful.

The Neon Signpost

Today was a very unusual day, one of those where you feel as though the signposts for the rest of your life are in flashing neon and leave you in no doubt as to what you are going to be doing. I have been thinking recently about something that I should do for ‘Just me’, as I have been feeling that I am doing so much for everyone else that I am losing me in the chaos, so in my time on the computer I started going through some of my old links that I had gathered on the subject of shamanism. I looked briefly into shamanism and wicca about a year back and had built up a list of odd links over the couple of weeks that I was curious about the subject. In my search of the subject I was becoming more and more convinced that I should look more seriously at shamanism as something to help find myself again. Eventually I found one site that had information about ‘Imbolc’ (the celtic festival of new beginnings, candlemas in the Roman catholic calendar). This festival was celebrated on February 1st each year and the date today was, you guessed it, February 1st. That was the Neon signpost.