Sue visits Heulwen

October 31st 2003 Friday Susan (Shamanic Healer/Teacher) called this evening to do some work with Heulwen. I chose to spend some time in the kitchen while they worked together. I spent the time reading information on both medicine cards and the dreamtime cards. I chose to do a 2 card reading and drew the rabbit upside down and the hawk upright.

Weird Coincidence

October 21st 2003 This might seem a bit strange but I was sitting in the living room using the laptop, looking through a website on things shamanic (after reading up on Saimhain for Amanda Carr) when I had a phone call from Sue (shamanic course), asking if I would like to be involved in a meeting on Tuesday evening at her house with regards to a meeting over Christmas. The main point of this (the reason why I am writing this) is the weird coincidence factor of this whole thing. It was nice talking to Sue again and it has got me thinking if there is some sort of hidden reason, some sign that needs to be read. She asked if I could bring my staff as well to show the others in the group (she remembered it, nice).

Crystals and Moods

October 20th 2003 My father and I were talking about crystals, as he had brought some back from holiday for Heulwen. In talking about them I ended up showing my father the medicine wheel. I enjoyed the interaction with him, and I think he did too. On some level I think I understand some more things about my father, he is more like me than I thought, especially about the times that we both seem to get black moods (every two months or so).

Walking before I can crawl

October 4th 2003 I went up Kilvey today, probably the first time in quite a long time (nearly 2 months). I have been thinking a lot about my passion for shamanism, thinking that perhaps it is dying, that maybe I have lost interest in it. Last time I went up I asked ‘Where do I go?’ and the response was a symbol. I looked into this and managed to discover that it had 3 separate meanings which fitted together quite nicely. Today when I started to do my visualisation I was trying to be all serious when the dove started playing around, perhaps I need to worry a bit less and enjoy the moment, like when I first got into shamanism. When I talked to the Dove about the path I have been walking I was told that I am not yet a year old on this path, yet I expect to of travelled far. South American shamans are brought up in their traditions as children before they even start to walk their path. I really need to start expecting less of myself and just explore things as a child would, picking and choosing on the basis of curiosity. Once I was happy with this I had a strong urge to visit the Upper world to talk with someone. Once there I talked with a woman who seemed to be a conglomeration of many female traits that I admire. In talking to her I realised that I am searching for something that I will never find. I seem to admire one or two qualities in every woman I know, at present I admire certain traits (in no particular order) in Angie (her freedom), Maggie (her professionalism), Jan (her drive) and Kate (her flair) and yet each and every one of them also has flaws as well. At present I have been thinking about the Celtic / Elven pantheon and to whether I need to ‘personify’ my belief into particular deities or not. The problem is I feel uncomfortable with this and feel more secure keeping things on a more ‘elemental’ level for the time being.