Like waves gently lapping on the beach

Well its been a while since I last posted here, so I had better make it a good one….. Since the beginning of February my life has had some interesting changes, some of these I am still going through, and for this reason I have had little opportunity to focus on my shamanic faith as much as I would want too. However, I have taken to looking at things in a different way, looking for the signs that the universe leaves me. I have been adding more stones to my medicine wheel, and for some reason I have chosen these stones to not have specific positions on the wheel, but to be free roaming, to go where I need them to be. My jewellry has gone through a change (for the better) and I have even made a wire frame bonsai tree, which I intend to use as part of my shamanic rituals. Life seems to know when you are on the right path, things generally work out for the better, and there tends to be less resistance with the things that you want to do. I am not saying that its an easy ride, just not as difficult, and more opportunities to smile. It often feels that the signs in my life are gentle reminders, waves lapping on the beach of my life, quietly turning the hard jagged cliffs which my life has often been into grains of sand that although smaller, are in fact, far more powerful in the long run.

18 years in the making

Its an odd situation that I and my partner are in at the moment…. We are going through a divorce – Shock! Horror! Gasp! Yes, I know we do get some bad days, but we also get good days, almost sounds like we are still married. This is the situation that people do not understand. We still love each other, its just that I have got to a point where I cannot remain in this situation as it presently stands. I also do not believe that Heulwen really wants to remain in this situation. So it will benefit the both of us if we get a divorce. but 18 years is a hard thing to give up, its worst than any drug that I know of. It affects every part of your life, when you wake in the morning and there is only you in the bed, when you go to work without a kiss on your cheek, when you sit there alone staring at the television. It will be painfull and it will take time to go ‘cold turkey’. I also do not want to see Heulwen fail, I need to know that she will thrive, become stronger, and even flourish, giving both herself and our son a good home. I hope that I will be able to do the same too, I will obviously have to cut back on my work, but for now the money is needed. This causes some arguements, from both Heulwen and Ieuan, which for now I will just have to absorb and deal with another time. But once things calm down, new routines established, and after I buy a really big pillow to fill the gap in my bed, I will, eventually, get used to a different life, one I hope will see me flourish too. And who knows where we will all be 2 or 3 years down the road.