Back to Back – A poem for Heulwen

I wrote this poem , similarly, about a year ago.  This is just a glimpse of a day long ago

Back to Back – A poem for Heulwen

Laying on the sofa, cushion crushed tight.
Her lucky charm in a pocket, her mobile phone discarded.
She lays there at ease, for a moment at peace.
Nightmares forgotten, anxiety at bay.

I look upon her sleeping face, wishing there was more.
But instead I still my hand and touch her not at all.
For I know that once awake the nightmares will return.
So I sit there for a while, watching her chest fall.

She becomes restless as she starts to wake.
The nightmares are returning and with them all the pain.
I just sit and watch, helpless in her defence.
Her eyelids flutter as conscioussness draws close.

She sits up from her slumber and looks around the room.
From the face so peaceful a transformation takes hold.
The pain is just remembered, the anxiety returns,
As her eyes become harded and the battle is resumed.

Her life is caught in glimpses, shards of a shattered whole.
Feebily picking up pieces, where thousands have already fallen.
I stand there with my arms outstretched, waiting for her to ask.
Waiting for when she looks my way and asks for me to help.

But for now she stands alone, fighting as she thinks best.
Turning to face them all so as not to show her flank.
If only she would let me stand, defend her back from harm.
Then back to back we would stand tall and keep them all at bay.

So I sit here quietly, staring at the wall.
Waiting for that day to come when she can let it go.
To realise that this fight does not have to be alone.
There is no shame in letting me stand and hold her hand once more.

Written by Gareth

The Eternal Dance

I felt a need to post one of my poems, and although I am a bit upset today I did not want to put one of my depressing poems up, they are too dark for this moment, therefore I found this one and realised it was almost a year to the day that I wrote it, and for some reason it seems fitting now to post it today.

Sometimes we feel safe staying in the situations that we are in, we are too afraid to live our lives and move on.

 The Eternal Dance

The moth flutters close to the flame,
Fascinated by its entrancing dance.
It flies ever closer, until the heat burns,
Agony and ecstasy its only reward.

Sooner or later it’s time will come,
To either land and die in bliss,
Or flutter to its last straining breath,
Never quite knowing its true release.

Two stars spiral, in each others grasp,
Ever spinning, in constant struggle.
If they fall nearer they may die,
Or be born to something that far outshines.

To risk it all, for the chance of bliss,
Is the dance that can move us all.
Or do we stand on the edge of life,
Afraid to even live at all.

What is beyond these mortal moments,
What is over the next rise.
Why wait and wither, living forever in hope,
We should live, cherishing each eternal moment.

Dedicated to those that dance

The Kilvey Shaman

The Greatest Community Worker that ever lived

- at least I thought that for a short while

On this eventful day, when Swansea was granted permission for a large casino, and Cardiff failed in their application, the fair community of Blaenymaes failed in thier bid to gain the skills and experience of the greatest community worker ever (me).  I am, however, sure that they will survive without me and grow and prosper under the tender care of another person…….just a bit slower is all

Bye for now, I am not exactly too happy at present, and need to sulk for a bit, wallow in greasy foods and stuff (justfor today).

Tomorrow I will be fighting fit again, I always am, I always have to be…..

Interview afterthoughts

Well I had the interview today and now I have to wait until tomorrow for them to make their mind up. Overall I think it went well, with me chatting away for some 35 minutes when the interview was suppose to only be 30 minutes and I normally freeze up after 10.

Here is their website

http://www.blaenymaes-trust.ik.com/

A weekend summary

Well I spent most of the Saturday moving stuff to the new house, my father doing most of the lugging around (older but fitter). Eventually after moving something like 22 years of magazines, books, dvds, videos, cds and cassette tapes, and then putting all of them at least half tidy in the other house and also moving all the stand alone units and shelves that I had to store all of those 22 years of stuff, I managed to collapse for 5 minutes in a chair before waving bye to my Dad and then taking Ieuan home to get ready for a Party.

Standing in a shop in Bonymaen, looking for a birthday card for his 2nd cousin Lily (our family is close) I asked Ieuan how old she was, thinking to myself I am sure she is 4. No Dad, Lily is 3. So on his advice I bought a ‘Happy 3rd Birthday’ card. guess how old Lily was, and guess who Lily was correcting about it. So after wiping egg of my face for that one, and after standing around for 2 hours with an aching back from moving stuff I made my excuses and apologised for not popping back down that evening for our traditional Saturday Night session and went home.

Overall an eventful day, if not a little funny.

Onwards to Sunday……..

Had a long chat with Ieuan, who has decided that Daddy puts his Gaming Club before him on a Sunday. He decided that he does not like going. So I decided to close the club down for good. I then headed off to the club, atticipated a long chat with all the other kids there that like going. Club opened at 1.30. At 1.45 my father showed up with my two nieces, at 2pm Denise showed up with her daughter Lynda., and that was it. Nobody else showed up. So I was in a mood about closing the club anyway, and then I was in a really bad mood when hardly anyone showed up. So now the club is closed, for how long I do not know. Part of me is a little glad, but a huge part of me thinks that I failed, and failed for daring to dream.

I wanted to create a gaming club in Bonymaen where geeks could gather, children and adults together could meet and play board games, war games, card games and roleplaying games. i have always wanted to do this, to set up such a club, but always waited for someone else to do it. Last year I thought I would take the leap and set it up myself. End result most parents saw it as a way to dump their children on someone for three hours on a Sunday afternoon. I ran the club for 5 months, I gave it my best shot, but now I have to think about spending time with my son, and as he said, putting him first.

This evening was my usual, youth work, although I did spend some time making roses and carnations out of toilet roll and garden wire. and then two of the female youth workers nagged me until I agreed to give them one of my magic neck rubs. I do not mind really, but sometimes you feel that you are being used, seldom (if not never) do they offer to do the same for me, mmmmmm.

Blogged with Flock

A nice pagan blog

A Blog of Two Witches

This is a lovely weblog about two american witches and is also good as
a resources pointing to many other sites and blogs by pagans.  I just
been reading about a week in the life of Mama Kelly and it just
remineded me of so many parts of my own life over the years, and even
some of the thoughts.

Blogged with Flock

Rainy Day – Work Day

I took this picture while driving into work this morning.  When I saw the rainbow I thought I just had to capture it on camera it was so fantastic.

To Ray

I am sorry I never knew you…..

My father phoned me up yesterday evening to let me know that one of my aunties (on his side) has died.  Apparantly she died from Renal failure (kidneys packed up).  They rushed her into the hospital on Tuesday and she died on Wednesday morning.

I want to shed a tear for my auntie but I cannot and that makes me sad, but then I never knew her, I have absolutely no memory of her, and yet I will probably end up going to the funeral.  How many other people will be there I wonder, who never really knew her.

A few months ago I went to another funeral, a person who I tried to call friend, someone who popped in and out of my life over some years, he died not even 25 years of age, when I found out the shock hit me and for a few moments I did cry, but I do not understand why.  When I stood at the graveside of my brother many years ago I did not shed a tear, yet two nights before in the darkness, my mother and I talked and cried.

I suppose atthe end of the day there is no rhyme nor reason.

Interview on Monday at 12.30

Well I had a letter today letting me know that I have been selected for an interview on Monday at 12.30pm. Yea for me………….  Blaenymaes here I come

Good luck to the Ice Witch

Here is wishing my friend Jan, the Ice Witch, the best of luck in her interview at NTL.  Go get um!, I wonder if she remembers this , hehehehe