Perceptions and first impressions and over protectiveness

Today was a tour de force through my own perceptions of some of my work colleagues and also of the perceptions of my work colleagues about me.

One colleague said that I was the Tech head in the class, knowing everything about computers, she also later thought that I was a Biker too.

My perceptions of some of my colleagues have changed, finding out that they are married, living with partners.  One colleague, due to some stress related to finacial issues broke down for a short while, which always makes me feel so awkward, I always feel like I need to wrap my arms around a woman when they are crying, becoming that big strong protective person for them.

Why is it I become this person when a woman starts to cry.  I am sure that in todays era women are more than capable to look after themselves.  A few times in the last week or so there have been times like that, where I have felt the need to do that, but each time I always think that  doing such is so useless or false as it achieves very little.  However if you look a bit deeper sometimes actions are not what is required, sometimes just being there, feeling awkward is all that a person needs, and expressing your concern also helps, especially if you really do mean it.

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I don’t want to miss a thing

This is one of my favourite songs ever, by Aerosmith

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don’t want to close my eyes
I don’t want to fall asleep
Cause I’d miss you baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming
Wondering if its me you’re seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we’re together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Don’t want to close my eyes
I don’t want to fall asleep
Cause I’d miss you baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing

I don’t want to miss one smile
I don’t want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don’t want to close my eyes
I don’t want to fall asleep
Cause I’d miss you baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing

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Like ships passing in the night

Every now and then you will meet someone that you really get on with. 

Now before we go any deeper get your filthy mind out of the gutter. 

I am talking purely about friendships.  We will occasionally meet someone that seems to hit most, if not all the buttons in aperson that we would call friend.  We get to know them, or at least understand them, it sometimes becomes something that is almost spiritual, you even start to think that its fate.  Then it happens.  The ride is over.  Someone does something or forgets to do something, and the silene becomes unbearable.  Then the flames of a brief but fantastic friendship blow out, exhausted.

Does it have to be like that?  can we only sustain a friendship that is that intense for a brief moment?

The early part of this year was a glorious rush, of myself and a lady who i never actually met, although I would, one day, like that.  The two of us blogged and talked and listened between my blog and hers.  Alas such, at present, seems to not be the case.

Why do things have to come to an end? why do we become as ships in the night?

The Three Amigos of Virgin Media

Andrew, Scot and Richard were our trainers over the last week, I thought it was only fair that I find a way of sharing these wonderful people with the world outside of Virgin.  In the Twenty Questions game Andrew managed to guess ‘Mirror’, Scot managed to guess ‘Water’ and Richard managed to guess ‘Flipchart’ and all within the required 20 questions, although Richard was certainly fishing for more clues.

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a day at the office

Its a bit of a trail I know, but I thought that I would see if it is possible to link in video from youtube to this blog.  The video in question is last Friday in work.  The chaos you can see is everyone being given their ‘Tech Files’.

Computer Active and Closet Geeks

This week in work (Virgin Media), I have been enjoying becoming a geek again (not that I really went away from it). As a laugh on Monday I deliberately wore my usb hard drive pen like some medalion worn by a disco dancer and had the customary pens in my top shirt pocket (the shirt was light blue and short sleeved too). Talk about geekville. However I could not even get through the doors, my shirt was open and the pens were hidden. As the week wore on slowly my geek levels rose until by Friday I was proudly brandishing my copy of Computer Active and indexing my ‘D’ Ring binder ‘Tech file’.

The daftest thing of all was that most of the trainers could not resist picking up my copy of Computer Active and having a nose through, even our zen like martial artist biker Nigel, which only goes to show really just how many closet geeks are out there.

I wonder what it will be like once I am on the floor, will I start taking a books into work or talk about Sci-Fi and roleplaying all day long (in between calls of course)

Why should I blog? – My life is crap!

The last few days I have trying to motivate people to start blogging.  My response today from one person (who’s name is being withheld) was somewhat negative, saying that their life is monotonous.  I was, unfortunately, unable to come up with some fab reason for this person at the time, but now, after some reflection, I have a good answer.

Why blog?

Because although your life, in this exact moment might seem to be boring to the outside world, inside your mind it is totally different.

What do you want to do with your life? What are your dreams?  Are you concerned about something.  What did your family, child, loved one do today that you want to share.  Is there something that you did today that you are proud of? Are there fond memories that you would like to share?  What about photos that you recently took.

Truelly the list is endless if you put your mind too it, Our lifes might seem a little drab sometimes but actually, they are the greatest soap of them all

Of Coffee, Fruit, expensive meals and power napping

Well I have finished my third day in the new job as Internet Tech for Virgin MediA, and I seem to still be alive (which also helps).  See you around as I need another power nap

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Subtlety is wasted on me

Truelly it is.  throughout my life there have been occasions where I have been as thick as the proverbial two short planks, especially when it comes to matters concerning the opposite sex.

Example 1 – Age 12-13, a very shy Gareth went to visit his prospective girl friend,  it was a double date even, me and another boy and two girls.  We all sat in the living room, chatting away, all comfy, suddenly my girlfreind to be offered to make a cuppa for everyone, so I offered to help (being the gentleman).  I think that kettle boiled about 4 times before this young girl in frustration walked out of the kitchen.  I realised on the way home later that she was waiting for me to make the first move, to plant a kiss on her.  That whole experience lasted 30 minutes.  To add insult to injury for the poor girl I repeated the same mistake a week later with the same girl.

A little bit older and a little bit wiser (at least that is what they say)  I was seeing a girl, but in the purely plutonic sort of friendship.  I had known her from age 8, and I was now around 15, hormones rushing through me.  I and this young lady (actually 2 years my senior) went for a walk behind the sweetshop on Winch Wen corner.  Strolling merely towards the pluck lake, she casually mentioned that by now ‘most’ boys would of probably tried to persuade her to enter the bushes with them.  I just nodded my head sagely, not fully understanding what she was on about.  Later I think I should of banged my head on the wall for the opportunity lost.  But there you go, as I said, I do not do subtle.  And I have been like that for a very long time. 

On another occasion I was helping out with a community consultation in Penlan when one of the female volunteers was spending a lot of time talking to me, I thought she was just being freindly, especially the way she snuck up behind me and talked to me over my shoulder, or when she asked me the time by running her hand down my arm to my watch.  It went straight over my head.   Then, on the way home in the car, it hit me, suddenly someone lit flicked the switch in my head as I realised exactly what this woman was trying to do.  I laughed so hard I nearly cried on the way home, partly for the idea of what happened and partly for me being so thick.

When I told a colleague of mine about it she reminded me of a woman that was on a two day training course with us in Cardiff a couple of years previous.  Apparantly she had the major league hots for me and I did not even notice, i thought she was just being friendly.

But in my defence in the last two situations I was married, and although my eyes might look at a woman a certain way, my brain was obviously not helping out at all, saying I am not on the market so no need to worry about such things, carry on listening to the trainer.

So this is to all those women out there, do not waste your time with subtle, IT DOES NOT WORK ON ME.

Worst yet my ex-partner will probably be nodding her head in total agreement with the last statement.  The number of times that she may of tried to drop a hint about something and it went straight over my head.  Now if it was a computer it would of course, be totally different.

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Straining at Mediocrity

This poem I wrote a long time ago, I must stress however that it does not reflect me at my present moment, although I am having a bit of a rough day, it is not as bad as I was when I wrote this.

 

Straining at Mediocrity

 

I live a life not of my own, straining at mediocrity

I live a life monotonous each day

I live for the moment, falling deeper into the trap

I live a physical life while my soul shrivels and dies

 

 

I thought that I had escaped from the ropes that bound me

But then the jailer returned to confine me once more

I look into the jailer’s eyes and see my own there

Realizing now that I alone am the one that binds

 

 

I still remember those times when the sun shone in my life

When each moment was a blessing, a gift for me to share

My joy was infectious, spreading itself out to others.

My soul cried out and it seemed that the universe cared.

 

 

There was a time I marveled and wondered at everything around,

A time when I felt reborn and saw with children’s eyes.

But then I fell from off the path, stumbling upon the way,

And since that day I have been bound in pain, down upon my knees

 

 

I now live only a mediocre life, awaiting my own death

Waiting one more time to be reborn, to see the sun once more

I hear tell of revelations when people face their death

Of those that change and live their life forever in the light

 

 

So I still kneel upon the ground and await my revelation

I know that I alone can lift me from my knees

I alone have the power to set me on the path

But yet I still refuse to look, wallowing in my pain

 

 

How much can I take before my soul dies?

Delving deeper into a material world, full of fakery

Surrounding myself with all the things that help to ignore my pain

Yet still knowing that all it makes is a happy idiot of me

 

 

The shaman talks about the cross and how it dictates to me

And yet I know if I try I can make the windmill turn

So I yearn for that day when the sun once more shines

And I will stand upon the path with a joyous soul

 

 

The Kilvey Shaman

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