Weight GAIN Update – Annoyed, ill and a little depressed

Well it came as no surprise to me when I weighted in yesterday at Tesco.  I have been a bit under the weather since Wednesday and have been going back into bad habits.  I still have a cold at present and hope that I can put on a good show for tomorrow at my interview, but I need to try to focus today and get back on the weight loss train, else all the good work I have done over the last few weeks will have been for nothing.  I put on 2.4 lb since last week and most of that has been probably in the last 4 days, which is not a good thing really, putting on weight that fast requires some serious gorging, unfortunately I was up for the task.

There is nobody to really blame in this other than myself, nobody forces the food in my mouth, but perhaps I should not be too harsh as I am ill, but still, there is ill and there is ill.  There are also some other (emotional) issues that I am resolving in my head too, the least of which is probably being laid off from work in another two weeks and trying to find alternative employment, but hey this is, after all, a shitty life.  Now to check my lotto results , lol

before and after photos

So wot do u all think, Which one is thinner? Who looks the more handsome?

Blogged with Flock

Wisdom, maturity and women

I just felt like writing something on this blog as an exercise in reflection.  So here goes, a tour de force of my internal dialogue, with only minor censorship.

I used to believe that I held so much of the real me inside, I was always to shy to express my real emotions and feelings.  This has, in most cases lead to a lot of misery on my part. Over the last year or so I have become a lot more able to express certain feelings and emotions, but the darkest and deepest of my secrets I still cling onto in order to protect me from any real pain.  Is this what it is like for everyone else?  DO we all hold deep dark secrets that we are too afraid to share?  Do we all lead lifes which, essentially are not as wonderful as they could be due our self imposed timidity.

I have maintained that I can love many people for many different reasons, but then what do I class as love,  I do not think it is the earth shattering kind of love that we all dream of, I think its more of the comfortable, slightly old wooly jumper that you cannot bear to throw away kind of love.  I find I am relaxed and far more comfortable around women than I ever am around men.  My guard is down more often, and I tend to feel that I have less to prove.  There is less testostorone in the room for one, and I have never been one for butting my head against the other ram.

I find , perhaps, that I understand women more easily than men.  There are quite a few women in my life that I have had a lot of love and respect for and I probably always will.  I cannot say the same for the men I know.  This has become quite evident over the last several months, and if I think about it, over the last few years.  I seem to surround myself with women, and am always happiest when working in such an environment.

And here in lies the dilema, I end up understanding and appreciating women for the wonderful creations that they are, and then become, invariably their best friend, never their lover.  Its a case of always the bride’s maid never the bride.

When I was in school I had a female friend who would meet me every monday in the library to sit and chat.  I had the ‘hots’ for her and would agonise over this internally, until that fataful day when she commented ever so casually  ‘If ever I had a brother he would be just like you’.  I jokingly commented on it this week when another friend needed me because I was a youth worker, I stated that I was waiting for the phone call that one day someone would say they needed my body.

Granted, I have known women in more than just the spiritual sense ( be nicer still to know them more often), but the gaps in between these great explorations have (even during my marriage years, lol) been quite large.

At present I am exploring the option of becoming a tart, but if I still do not get any (?), then I can explore all I want, it does not make me a tart, unless you count my constant teasing of female friends and companions. Just like a friend of mine who one day proclaimed himself celebate, my statement that it was simply because he could not get any was accurate, if a little hurtful.  Now he is in America trying his level best to prove to his female friend just how un-celebate he is, and I tip my hat to him (the lucky man).

So here is to loving women everywhere, just call me Don Juan…..or G man

weight loss update 15/09/07

wow another great week on the weight loss, 2.7lb lost since last Friday, so I am now 22st 6.3lb, so just under 22 1/2 stone.  Definately getting closer and closer to that 21 stone target for the end of the year.  I want to sort of weight in on January 1st like some middle weight boxer in just my undies, but I think they would arrest me in Tesco, so maybe I will just buy myself some scales for the house and save everyone the image of me nearly naked.

cutbacks in virgin media

Due to the wonderful success of the premium rate line reducing the amount of calls we get in the call centre, we have had about a third of the workforce layed off, 64 staff in the Swansea branch.  Unfortunately I, along with some of my friends, were some of them.

I can understand the reasoning why, although it does not make the pill any sweeter to swallow.  So as of October 13th 2007 I will be unemployed unless I can find some alternative employment in the next month.

Don’t get me wrong I will probably find something somewhere, but I always try to plan for the worst and then everything works out better than I expected.

I spent this afternoon working out my finances on my little spread sheet to see if it was feasable for me to remain at my present address, making my own way and paying my own bills with no help from others. And the intersting news is that I can pull it off, just.  I need to be strict, but it is possible.

So heres to Virgin Media, it was a fun ride (NOT), certainly an experience I will remember forever, and I look forward to the next challenge in my life.

On the positive side of things, I gained some friends who I hope to remain in contact with, I found a work schedule that worked for me, I lost a lot of weight whilst working there, I gain telephone skills and internet skills to rival the best of them out there, and actually felt part of something bigger, instead of the small work forces that I have worked with for the last 4-5 years.

Bye for now folks, see you on the other side of the sun

Blogged with Flock

weight loss musings – an experiment and confirmation

I have been saying over the last couple of months that I MUST of been 25 stone on February 1st when I moved into my present home. However the problem was that I had not actually weighed myself on any machine on that day. All I can go by is, pardon the pun, a gut feelings. I know I was heavier than I had ever been in my entire life. My face looked really heavy, and I was certainly getting some personal hygiene issues underneath all those tires.

So how do I figure out how much I weighed. The only information I have is the weights I recorded since the end of May. Well looking at the overall weight loss since the end of May until now I can reverse the trend back to Feb 1st.

So I have lost a total of 17.6 lbs since the end of May. This averages out as a weekly amount, I multiplied that by the weeks between Feb 1st and the end of May and added it to the weight I was at the end of May.

End result was 361lb, or 25 stone 11lb.

So my estimate of 25stone on Feb 1st is if anything a conservative amount, so I can feel confident in the figures that I use, knowing that if anything I might well of lost even more weight than I had thought.

Blogged with Flock

weight loss update 07/09/07

Well I have not been updating anything on the weight loss for the last couple of weeks because, quite simply, I put a little bit on and did not want to share that until I had rectified the situation, and now I have.

I weighted in today at 22 st 9lb.  I weighted two weeks ago and I had put a little bit of weight on and was at 22 st 12.7lb.  I had put on nearly 2 pounds since the previous week, but I did attend 3 parties for m son’s birthday, so I was not expecting miracles.

To be honest I did not know what to expect this week as I have not been exerecising that much either, but there you go, a loss of 3.7 lbs not bad for the last two weeks, not bad at all.  And remember I am holding back on 5lb in clothing, so I would actually weight less, but until that really matters I will continue to give my weight inclusing clothing.

Well bye for now folks, see you soon with another update (perhaps next week), hopefully I will break the 22 st 7lb barrier.

Blogged with Flock

update on a crazy week off

Well back in work today, poor me.

So being as I have not written for a while on my blog I thought I would give everyone an update on the last week and a bit.

Saturday 25th August – Went to the MAS Carnival in Swansea and then went for  a relaxing BBQ at blackpill, this in turn was followed by a walk around Clynne Park.  Overall a wonderful time out, especially as I was working in the morning as well, so an unexpected treat.

Sunday 26th August – Bullied, cajoled and generally shouted at my son from 11.30 in the morning until I dropped him off at his Mother’s at about 7.30 ish.  I am not too proud of the day as I was trying to motivate my son into using his pushbike, which he is simply too scared to use. I need to find a way that will help motivate him, rather than bully him.

Monday 27th August – Went to Bonymaen Park for a picnic and games with Jan and Family, followed by a walk to Crymlyn Nature Reserve.  A fun time spent with Ieuan, lots of frisbie throwing.

Tuesday 28th August – Went to Town with Ieuan to sort out some things.  Ended up booking myself in for a tattoo the following day.  My feet were screaming to me after 4 days of walking and I was knackered.

Wednesday 29th August – Went to Town in the afternoon to have my tattoo done, It hurt like loads, but I am really pleased with the reasults and am already looking at the next one (possible next month)

Thursday 30th August – During the late hours of the night leading to the following morning two kittens were born.  Phoebe delivered them about 2 weeks earlier and the barely weighed 50gms each.

Friday 31st August – Bought myself a new tv and a nintendo Wii.  Went out in the evening with my friends, played 10pin bowling and won 2 games out of 3.  Got a little bit drunk, went home and fell asleep on the floor next to the kittens and Pheobe to help keep an eye on them all,  Phoebe, on the other hand went to sleep on the bed, so a bit pointless really.

Saturday 1st September – Did some research on premature kittens.  Went to town with Ieuan and Jessica. Bought some kitten milk formula only to discover that both kittens had died by the time I got home.

Sunday 2nd September – Visited my Mam (as I always do now on a Sunday)

Monday 3rd September – Last day of Hols really.  Mowed my grass for the 2nd time since moving in

Throughtout the hols I had also been spending time working on a story with Jessica, one which I intend on finishing even though the last few days have seen little or no contribution.  I need to let go of it in some ways , instead of taking a very possessive stance, let Jess have some fun with it too.

Overall it was nice to spend some time with my son, it was nice to see some bonding between Jess and  Ieuan, I am starting to see the woman that she will become one day.  I enjoyed a few moments of adult conversation that was not work related with Jan, and had a light hearted week with my ex-partner Heulwen.

It was just a shame about Spots and Stripes, my two, never to be forgotten, kittens that never stood a chance.  May they hunt mice until their bellies are full……

Blogged with Flock