Late night thoughts

Well Ieuan is upstairs after I sent him up to go to sleep, afterall he is 11 now and should be able to sleep upstairs without his daddy going to bed as well…..so i have an opportunity of quiet reflection and blogging, and as we all know I like to blog when I can, and my adorable fans all like it too.

But what to talk about. thats the problem I sort of know where I want to go in this conversation but jst do not know where to start, so I will let the words flow on thier own and see if it takes us where I want it to go.

The last week I have been on high flirt levels as I often can be, but those that know me best realise that that is really just a screen to cover the real me and to throw shadows and illusions at the world around me.  But now its late at night and I look towards my bed thinking that its empty and wondering how long it will remain such.

Now I know we all need to stand tall, and I know that I need to get out and enjoy myself more (hence the flirting), but at the end of the day can I be something that I am not.  Can I be the casual, light hearted fun guy, who flits from one relationship to another like a bee with its flowers, or am I only capable of what I already am, a person who is a hopeless romantic, who dives head first into any relationship, regardless of the cost.

I am presently trying so very hard to remain that light carefree person, but at the end of the day, when my head hits the pillow, I am alone, and it frightens me to think too long down that road, wondering when or if I will enter into another meaningful and real relationship.

Can I live each day as it presents itself, not worrying about the next.  Or do I look to the future and allow myslef to become caught up in some minor depression.

So heres to me, signing off, G

Loving all those special ladies out there….

xxx