I have not written on here for a while, but it seems I have something I need to explore in some detail and sometimes I find it best if I can write it down in this blog.  Helps to focus me for a bit, either that or just shows the world how messed up my mind is lol……

I have quite a few friends, which is somewhat odd for me, as several years ago I was almost proud of the fact that I merely had acquantances, people who only needed me for something, rather than people who wanted to spend time with me.  I admit it is a somewhat jaded opinion of the world but hey that was me.

Now though I have friends, and quite a few of them. the problem however is when it comes to friends of the opposite gender (which most of my friends are.  Where do you draw the line?  How do you control your internal dialogue, the voice inside your head, the one that sneaks in when you least expect it too and shouts out to you ‘What if?’And then the problems start.  You feel that there might be a chance of something more, but just do not want to ask the person, just in case you lose them as a friend.

Now I have come up with a concept that is helping me to resolve this but its still early days, and sometimes I find it a bit difficult, especially on lonely night.

The concept is ‘Light and fluffy’ – a bit silly really, but essentially it involves just having lots of friends and spending time with them, a sort of immersion therapy if you will.  The doubts will still arise, and the ‘what ifs’ will still sneak attack me, but hopefully, in smaller and smaller doses, and less concerted attacks, until in the end I stop thinking that way.

However, there is still the issue, ‘WHAT IF?’, what if the other person feels the same way, and you take no notice, and you could of done the ‘happily ever after’.

I accept the fact that at present all I should have is ‘Light and Fluffy’ and it will be good for me to concentrate on that for a while long, but for how long?

By the way, I am enjoying light and fluffy, these are just some of my chaotic thoughts that I wanted to chuck out there into the universe

G (happy for now)