The Breakfast Club – Don’t you forget about me

I just finished watching the Breakfast club for the very first time, the ending actually made me cry, who would of thought.  So here are the lyrics to the song.  Talk about a flashback to the 80’s

Hey, hey, hey ,hey
Ohhh…

Won’t you come see about me?
I’ll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love’s strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don’t You Forget About Me
Don’t Don’t Don’t Don’t
Don’t You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognise me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ohhhh…..

Don’t you try to pretend
It’s my feeling we’ll win in the end
I won’t harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security

Don’t you forget about me
I’ll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I’ll put us back together at heart, baby

Don’t You Forget About Me
Don’t Don’t Don’t Don’t
Don’t You Forget About Me

As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
When you walk away

Or will you walk away?
Will you walk on by?
Come on – call my name
Will you all my name?

I say :
La la la…

Maybe I should of started off with a plant?

I remember watching some program once where, in order to teach people about commitment in relationships and responsibility they would ban them from such and give them a plant to take home and care for,  Then, after years of looking after the plant they might work towards a small domestic pet.  Eventually they would be allowed to start seeing people, and building personal relationships.

Perhaps I should of bought a plant…..

Seriously though…….I keep taking out my permenant marker of life and circling this issue with me.  The double edged reality that I want to dive head long into a relationship, even though I know on another level that I need to rebuild my own life and links and enjoy being single first.

With that in mind I am happy to recognise the fact that I have had two positive experiences, going to town on my own to meet up with friends, socialising and enjoying thier company and then coming home.  I need to do this more, sort of like immersion therapy, eventually I will become comfortable enough with it that I will not think twice about the thought of going to town on an evening and merely moving from pub to pub or club to club with the confident knowledge that I will bump inot familar and friendly faces in each of them (Not that I want to turn into an alcoholic disco stu, lol).

Nonetheless I have enjoyed myself the last couple of times I have gone out.  This week I have a few more social engagements on my calendar and I am curious as to how well behaved I will be, you never know, in a couple of years time I might be allowed to look after a small pet……

G (Relationship Guru)

Loving all his friends (old and new)

Late night thoughts

Well Ieuan is upstairs after I sent him up to go to sleep, afterall he is 11 now and should be able to sleep upstairs without his daddy going to bed as well…..so i have an opportunity of quiet reflection and blogging, and as we all know I like to blog when I can, and my adorable fans all like it too.

But what to talk about. thats the problem I sort of know where I want to go in this conversation but jst do not know where to start, so I will let the words flow on thier own and see if it takes us where I want it to go.

The last week I have been on high flirt levels as I often can be, but those that know me best realise that that is really just a screen to cover the real me and to throw shadows and illusions at the world around me.  But now its late at night and I look towards my bed thinking that its empty and wondering how long it will remain such.

Now I know we all need to stand tall, and I know that I need to get out and enjoy myself more (hence the flirting), but at the end of the day can I be something that I am not.  Can I be the casual, light hearted fun guy, who flits from one relationship to another like a bee with its flowers, or am I only capable of what I already am, a person who is a hopeless romantic, who dives head first into any relationship, regardless of the cost.

I am presently trying so very hard to remain that light carefree person, but at the end of the day, when my head hits the pillow, I am alone, and it frightens me to think too long down that road, wondering when or if I will enter into another meaningful and real relationship.

Can I live each day as it presents itself, not worrying about the next.  Or do I look to the future and allow myslef to become caught up in some minor depression.

So heres to me, signing off, G

Loving all those special ladies out there….

xxx

Against All Odds – Phil ‘The Man’ Collins

I was listening to this song this morning on the radio and it brought back some memories of me as a teenager crying into my pillow, thinking about girls……

So here are the lyrics and boy are they powerful

Against All Odds

How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain,
and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
‘cos there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now,
‘cos there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me
is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
‘cos there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now,
‘cos there’s just an empty space
But to wait for you,
well that’s all I can do and that’s what I’ve got to face
Take a good look at me now,
‘cos I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That’s the chance I’ve got to take, oh, oho

Just take a look at me now

Aye they were good days, lol……

Now I am off to find my pillow and have a cry again  – NOT

The G (there can be only one)

So many things change in so little time

How much can a persons life change in a short span of time?

Its amazing how just 3 weeks ago I was unemployed and my head in a shed…….How they change!

Now I am in work, been there 2 weeks already.  I have an ‘OK’  income, after fretting about being on the dole with a house and bills, thinking I would have to live off fumes and wear bin bags for clothes before the year was out.

I have become a lot more focused, yet also more care free too, strange how that works.  My priorities in life are my son first, other than that it work to live, not live to work, and enjoy myself.

I went to town last Friday night and was actually worrying that I would feel like a square peg in a round hole, but after spending time with my new friends, I realised that none of them fit properly in any of the holes on the damn toy, no matter how hard you hit them with the hammer.  So now I dont care.

I also saw boobies lol, and felt obligated to ensure that the bar staff in question were appreciated by standing there mesmerised (hey it was the first time I ever went to Vice).

Saturday just gone I also went into town with my tattoo as a mission and have booked it in for next week and I cannot wait.

My house on the other hand is half way through painting and I doubt I will have time soon to get it finished, although I should at least finish the front room so I can put the furniture back tidy.

As far as my weight thing is going I put on about a stone over the previous 2 months but have already lost half a stone in the last 2 weeks, so even that is back on track.

So all good really

Loving you all

G – with a Grin  ;-D

So thats me in a nut shell

Bring me to Life

These lyrics are rather apt for how I feel at the moment, just feeling very numb of late…..

Bring Me To Life lyrics
Songwriters: Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben;

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can’t wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can’t wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I’ve become)

Now that I know what I’m without
You can’t just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can’t wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can’t wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I’ve become)

I’ve been living a lie
There’s nothing inside
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

All this time, I can’t believe I couldn’t see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

Without thought, without voice, without a soul
Don’t let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can’t wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can’t wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I’ve become)

I’ve been living a lie
There’s nothing inside
Bring me to life

Late Night Musings

Well its nearly the witching hour and I am just sitting here listening to music that makes you want to cry, why? I don’t know…..

So I thought I would blog some random stuff and see where it gets me.

Gaynor and the kids moved out a few days ago. So it seems a bit strange around here. Granted the obvious benefit is I can run through the house naked if I wanted to, but then I never did that before so I doubt I will do it now. I do have space now, instead of feeling that the house was not mine, squeezing my entire existence onto one chair, and that’s not the toilet seat.

But it still feels weird as hell….

I been cleaning the house as well, also moving stuff to Gaynor’s and moving stuff around this one, so I have been very busy the last few days, especially late at night.

My weight has increased unfortunately but I intent to get that back in check pretty soon – I need to stop stuffing my face in everyone else’s house as if it might be my last one for a while.

One minor good thing, once everything settles back down, I have regained my library and quiet room where I can start rebuilding my altar

bye for now folks

G ( confused and tired)

My Immortal lyrics

Just before you all start thinking things, dont…….
I do not feel this way, but I have been listening to this song for a week or so now and find it to be very powerful, so I thought I would look up the lyrics

My Immortal lyrics
Songwriters: Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben;
I’m so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me, I’ve been alone all along

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

Lust versus Love and chasing dreams

Goodness that’s a title and a half to a post, should certainly bring the punters in……

In all seriousness I have not written a really thoughtful and deep post for quite a while and the mood that I have been in the last few days I think warrents a little ranting on my part so I thought I would go to town on this topic, lets see where it gets us.

Is lust enough? or do we all seek love?

I am starting to think, usually after i see everyone else enjoying their lives that Lust must be enough for about 95% of the population, and if you ever go clubbing in Swansea on a weekend then you probably think that lust is ok for closer to 99.99% of the population.

But when the hormones are back under control and the Hulk has finished smashing things then what are we left with? Well its either the desire for more lust or a dull ache that pleads with the body to look for something else, something deeper.

I look around at most people and I think on the emotional evolutonary chart they are all around about the level of the flat worm, and are probably more than happy to stay there too.  people cannot miss what they have never experienced (or can they).

But little old me, I seem to have evolved further along that evolutionary chart and am standing upright after throwing away my club, and I yearn for something more, something deeper than just ‘wham, bam, thank you mam’.  I am not knocking the lust side of things, I of course enjoy it when I get it, who doesn’t, but I am just saying that its not everything, and its certainly not the whole of my personal existence.

Last night I was standing outside a pub in Swansea and I felt two things, one was age, my gawd, I suddenly felt soo old, standing outside the Monkey Cafe, wearing my Airwalk trainers , 1/2 length shorts and listening to my music.  The other thing I felt was loneleness, watching others, mostly couple, walking past.  Then I had a glimpse of my future. was this all there ever will be?  Essentially walking through my life, alone, never fully sharing the deepest parts of me, forever chasing silly dreams and fantasies, never quite reaching the end of the rainbow.

So after that learning experience I feel as though my mood has darkened even further for now, and will probably take me some time to get out of it.  I have a lot of things to think about. decisions to make, roads to travel (any more metaphors just throw them in this part, lol.)

As I say, thats where I am, I jsut don’t know where I will be next.  I need to get out, walk for a bit, but as always its raining, although I might still go out…

(and this is for my slightly new friend tracey, the ache never really goes away and you are never alone in the whole aching game, there are probably thousands of us out there)….

G (slightly melancoly)

Its a bit dusty around here, lol

My goodness – (wipes the dust off the window pane) Nobody has been around this old place for a while have they…..

My apologises to all those avid fans of my blog I have been somewhat remiss in my duties, but that is what life (and World of Warcraft) does to us.  We move on, we change our priorities, we experience madness, joy, love and hate.  We are pulled down and raised up and then when the seas of our live start to calm, and our emotional stomachs ease then we take time to look at our lives and revisit old haunts.

Sometimes this is useful as it can help us to reset our own internal compass, focus us back on our path in life.

So from sunset last night to sunset tonight it is the celtic festival of Imbolc, the festival of New Beginnings.  But does everything have to be new, or can we also use it to dust out the rooms of our life and put a new shine on them, see whats worth keeping and what might need to be thrown out…..

Oh and I refuse to talk about my weight until it gets back down to what it should be, oops I just did talk about it, damn, lol…..

G

A somewhat dusty and battered kilveyshaman